Burn Out
by YouKnowWhatTheySayAboutHope
Summary: Aria would have never thought that she would come to this. Never, not even in her worst nightmares had she been hovering over the sleeping form of her best friend, a dagger directly pointed at Spencer in her hand.


Aria would have never thought that she would come to this. Never, not even in her worst nightmares had she been hovering over the sleeping form of her best friend, a dagger directly pointed at Spencer in her hand.

She wasn't quite sure what it was about Spencer. It wasn't the way she looked (although her looks were pretty great too), and it wasn't anything she said (even though Aria greatly appreciated Spencer's words during hard times). It was just the Spencer-ness that hung around Aria's best friend, the way she shone whenever Aria saw her, the way she laughed and cried and lived and loved in a way that no one other than Spencer could.

The way Spencer loved. Spencer was so protective of the people she loved. Aria remembered how when Shana had held a gun, ready to shoot Alison in revenge of Jenna's blindness, in the theatre before Aria killed her, Spencer had stood protectively in front of the friend who had been lying, deceiving and hiding from the rest of the girls, knowing very well that Shana was not afraid to shoot.

"You did what you had to do," Spencer had told Aria that evening. She had held her in a tight embrace, soothing the shaking brunette until the tears had stopped falling. Spencer knew what the overwhelming waves of shock felt like.

Even though Aria had no doubt that Emily had lost the most,or that all of the girls had gone through more than anyone deserved to, she knew that Spencer had been the most exposed to danger. She had been the one to be dangling off that bell tower, the one to involuntarily be brought on a joyride to the cliff with Mona, the one whose own parents didn't trust, the one to be locked in a room with a snake, locked in a steam shower, choked on the Halloween Train, knocked out in a stranger's mansion, shot and discover that she is adopted.

Funny thing is, Aria thought, that only when she thought Toby was dead, did the witty brunette snap. Only when Spencer believed that she hurt someone in the dollhouse, could she not sleep. Only when Spencer needed to find out whether Aria's lover was A, did she go down the dark road of drugs to stay up long enough to discover the truth.

Even when Spencer was at her worst, when she hit rock bottom, it was because she wanted to protect. Her greatest fear had always been hurting others, along with failing. Aria had heard others talk about people like Spencer.

"They are like candles," someone said. "They burn out to give others light."

Spencer rolled over in her sleep, startling Aria. The tiny brunette jumped, lightly trailing the blade that had been hovering over Spencer along her side. The cotton tee that Spencer wore tore and tiny red droplets of blood stained the white fabric.

Holding her breath, Aria glances at the pill bottle in her pocket. Had she mixed enough of it into her friend's water? The fact that Spencer did no more than wince in her sleep let Aria breathe out a sigh of relief.

Awkwardly, she repositioned the dagger above Spencer's sleeping form. She looked so peaceful; her eyes were closed shut and a lock of dark brown hair was in her face. Gently, Aria tucked it behind her ear. Slowly, she lowered the dagger closer to Spencer's skin. But with every bit she moved, more doubt began to cloud her mind.

She knew that Spencer wanted to live. She knew that for a fact, from a summer day long ago.

" _Ali blames herself for what happened in the dollhouse,"_ Spencer blurted on the way home from school one day. Aria had looked up, surprised, before Spencer continued.

" _She thinks it's her fault. That she is the reason we were in there. She's punishing herself for what was beyond her control."_

Aria hadn't said anything. Secretly, she did share Alison's belief, but she wouldn't tell Spencer that.

" _She deserves to have a life without any guilt,"_ Spencer had whispered once she realized Aria's thoughts, while tugging at the long-sleeved cardigan she wore despite the warm weather. " _Don't we all? Because all I want right now is to survive, to be able to live through this and not worry about when the next person I love is going to get hurt. Ali Must also want that."_

When A had started blackmailing Aria into working for them, Aria had hoped that they would leave Spencer alone. But, as it turned out, A had more plans for Aria's witty friend. The choice Aria had was either to send Ezra to jail or to hurt Spencer more than any of the girls had been hurt before. Maybe it was selfish of Aria, to put Ezra before her friends, but she'd already made her choice. The only thing that Aria had left to do was to get to Spencer before A could do the unspeakable.

But seeing her best friend in front of her, so peaceful and lovely and so full of Spencer-ness, Aria couldn't do it. She had only asked to spend the night at Spencer's to do this, and now she just couldn't. Before she could change her mind, Aria plunged the blade downwards, missing the sleeping body by an inch, stabbing into the white bedsheets.

Spencer woke up hours later, confused, firstly about the stinging she felt in her side and secondly, about Aria's absence.


End file.
